On giving up wine...

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won' t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

More Superbowl ad previews...

My response to this new Pepsi Max ad was "...mmmm...bad". Check it out.

And this one....no better.

These are not New Zealand men.

And I really miss New Zealand ads...

Preview of some of the Superbowl ads...

Forgive me, but my love of American Football is marginal at best, so like probably 50% of the viewership of the Superbowl this Sunday I'll be more focussed on the beer, the snacks, and the ad breaks....

Here's a sneak preview of some of the ads making their debut this Sunday...

Happy Marketing at its best...

This just makes me smile...and if a brand can get a consumer to smile (and thereby make an emotional connection) that's a home run.

And done with the insight that what do people do when they see something cool and spontaneous - they pull out their mobile phone and capture it...

Love it.

A T-Mobile campaign at Liverpool Station from a few days ago...

"I'm going to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee..."

Dear Elvis

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know we popped in to see you after New Year on our way home from New Orleans but sadly we missed you.

Graceland was looking incredibly festive with all of your original Christmas decorations....but dude, where did you get those outdoor Christmas trees?

Looked like someone had got hold of a few too many hula skirts from the set of Blue Hawaii, then cut off all the raffia, then tied them to a tree frame.

There seemed to be a bunch of people trying to pop in and see you, not quite sure what they were doing lining up outside your house though...everyone seemed well behaved though.

Thanks for leaving the Lisa Marie behind - we took the chance to take a quick tour...loved the gold taps! You sure have some style.

Not sure though about the 8-track music system - you really need to look into the new Bose Lifestyle surround sound speakers - think you'll be a lot happier with the sound quality...

I've had a chat to sister Sheila, who you may remember is running operations for Air New Zealand across America, and if you ever need help co-ordinating your flight operations let me know and I'll see if she can help you out...

Your staff suggested we take a look around the place so hope you don't mind but we wanted to check out the house. I'd seen plenty of pictures of the front of the house but was really surprised how much smaller it looked in real life.

The front columns do a great job of giving the illusion of grandeur - but in reality the house is really just a 4 bedroom modest home.

Robbie likes to take a shot of us, with him holding the camera in front of us - he's got it down pat now and pretty much takes a perfect shot first time.

Priscilla had the place looking great...loved all the Christmas trees inside...

...the poinsettias looked great on the stairs.

My favorite was the ground floor bedroom belonging to your parents - straight out of something from Domino interiors.

And this organic bamboo style mirror was stunning.

Priscilla looked to have a bunch of the Christmas crockery out so she was obviously working out what to set for the holidays...

The kitchen - the heart of any home...

The Jungle Room was filled with Lisa Marie's collection of stuffed toys...Big Bird - now there's a memory...
Down in the basement what you've done with the media room is terrific. Loved all of the mirrors lining the walls and ceiling of the basement stairs - and even with the low stud down in the basement, it's amazing how fab the media room and bar, and pool room look...and those three side by side TVs - dude, very cool!
But not sure about the pleated fabric lining the ceiling in the pool room...think that needs a bit of an update...

The back of the house...

The car and motorbike collection was looking fine. Loved seeing your collection of motorized toys - the golf carts and ride on mini-bikes you and the guys use to tear around the property...And your jumpsuits - that's some collection!...The kids loved checking out the collection of gold records...(not sure what all those other people were doing in there though..)

And the wedding outfits - divine...

I see the squash court has been turned into a gallery of memorabilia and more records - that's quite a collection

There seemed a lot of people gathered around the garden...

Anyway, Elvis - didn't want to write on the fence (which is what everyone else seemed to do) so just wanted to drop you a line to thank you for the tour...and hope to catch up with you again soon.


Graceland was pretty incredible. Very well organized, plenty of merchandise - you could buy an Elvis anything - but the house and grounds were surprisingly interesting.

Elvis' Dad, Vernon, collected and saved EVERYTHING - from the loan agreement on the house, to the receipts from appliances bought for the house - to Christmas cards sent to Elvis - which were all on display in Vernon's office out behind the house.

And Graceland is incredibly modest in size - the pillars give the impression of grandeur - but it's really an average-sized 2-story family home. It is though Elvis has just stepped out...everything is as it was after his death. Well designed for the time though - especially with the clever use of mirror in many rooms to give the illusion of extra space. By today's excessive standards, its totally modest.

Meanwhile, back in Memphis here's a shot of the famous Sun Studio recording studio - the birthplace of rock and roll originally owned by Sam Phillips - and the place where Elvis recorded his first single. Sadly the kids weren't interested (which was kinda surprising given they both fancy themselves as band members) so we didn't stop...
They did do a tour with Robbie of the Gibson guitar factory...

...while I scouted out a venue for lunch - MORE BBQ! Yes, Charlie Vergos Rendezvous.

Located down a back alley - the front door opens onto a main street, but for some reason you go round the back and enter through the back door. Probably a good sign of a decent restaurant. If you're any good people will find you. And don't make it too easy to find...
Memphis BBQ is a whole 'nother type of religion... served dry - lavished after slow cooking with the dry spice rub used to marinate them prior to cooking. Some places in Memphis are more well known for their pulled pork (like Interstate where we stopped on the way down) but Rendezvous is famous for it's smoked dry ribs.
They simply took my breath away - the best ribs I have ever taste. Spicy, sweet, salty, with a deep smoked flavor, that melt in your mouth - half an hour of ambrosial scrumptiousness...and the smokey dark beans...orgasmic.
That night we spent in a rather non-descript part of Missouri and then next morning we were up early to get to Miles in time before the kennel closed for the day...Our last meal of the day - the drive through at local burger chain Culvers - for a butter burger and some frozen custard...oink oink...

It was great to see our boy - and he was totally thrilled to see us after nearly two weeks - insisting he hang out the window for most of his mini-road trip home.

We stopped on the way at our specialist pet store to buy him his Christmas present - a pull harness specially for Malamutes....more on that later! It was good to be home...

Inauguration megapixel photo

From the interesting files, photographer David Bergman captured 220 images of Barack Obama’s Presidential Inauguration, then stitched them together creating an incredibly detailed panoramic photograph. All of you photo-geeks will appreciate the technology going in to his project – Bergman clamped his Gigapan-mounted Canon G10 to a railing, allowing the robotic mount to photograph the action. He then processed the captured images on his Macbook Pro with Gigapan software, creating a ginormous 2 gigabite, 1,474 megapixel TIF file. Click here to see the image and zoom in...

See if you can spot Yo-Yo Ma photographing the scene with his i-Phone - I couldn't find him!

New slang you all need to know

In an effort to keep readers hip and current here are some new Gen-X inspired slang terms to pepper into your vocabulary (from Trendcentral)

I may be guilty of a little myselfish on Facebook...and I vote that Patrick Jnr is a little smashed potatoes at times...

RECESSION-INSPIRED SLANG
Povo (po-vo)
adj. Spawned from the increasing popularity of new HBO series Summer Heights High, the Aussie slang for poor has infiltrated the vocabulary of recessionistas everywhere
"Caroline, I can't go out to dinner tonight: My pay cut has left me totally povo."

RELATIONSHIP SLANG
Ex-hole
n. Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend who dumped you via Post-it/text/drop-off-the-face-of-the-earth-disappearing-act and who is now flouncing around town with a new love interest
"I bumped into my ex-hole this morning - she said she was so sorry that she cheated on me, blah blah blah. I wanted to puke."

Cupcake
v. To stay home with your boyfriend/girlfriend to cuddle
"It's raining and cold outside; I think I'll skip the bars and cupcake tonight."

Hot Room
n. A social setting that involves a mix of people whose relationships to each other are, well, complicated
"I was sitting next to my current flame and then my ex-hole walked in with his current girlfriend, who I had a falling out with in high school - total hot room!"

DIGITAL SLANG
Pwn (pone)
v. To "power own" something or someone. Derived years ago from World of Warcraft smack talk, this slang has been adopted throughout other online games, and has since surfaced in the mainstream real world
"I pwn-ed Stephen last night in Wii Tennis."

Epic Fail
n. A frequently used term in the video game community that quite simply means you really messed up and/or something/someone is an utter failure
"Dude, your attempt to get that girl's number was an epic fail."

Geequals
n. Two people who are equal in depth of arcane knowledge
"I knew I had met my geequal when Frank showed me his Star Wars light saber iPhone app."

Myselfish
adj. A term used to describe people's need for recognition and self-fulfillment via the Internet. This is accomplished with incessant Facebook status updates and TMI-Twitter feeds, and serves the purpose of making one feel important and/or noticed
"My friends consider my need to Twitter detailed accounts of my trips to Trader Joe's, the gas station, and my opinions on anything, really, to be annoyingly myselfish. I consider it shameless self-promotion!"

THIS YEAR'S REHAB
Retox (ree-tox)
v. To go back on your New Year's resolutions and do the opposite of the goals you set for yourself
"Instead of following my resolution to get fit this year, I decided to retox and take up cooking classes instead. Oh well, no one follows New Year's resolutions anyway, right?"

Smashed Potatoes
adj. Drunk, inebriated, similar to the term "hot mess"
"Sorry I bailed without saying good night, but I was smashed potatoes."

STREET SLANG
Hate-cation
n. Taking a vacation from being a hater where you are committed to not saying anything bad about anyone or anything; synonymous with "moral cleanse"
"Whatever, I know you have an opinion but just can't speak your mind because you are on a hate-cation."

Obama/Not Obama
adj. London street reporters proclaim that our new President has become synonymous with "cool"
"Yeah, that is so Obama!"

Alt-worthy
adj. A term used to describe people or things considered to be cool or trendy
"The pop-up art gallery on Elizabeth Street is alt-worthy."

'Kward (kwerd)
adj. Awkward
"Whoa, that conversation was very 'kward."